I love note-taking apps ✏️!
I use different note-taking apps for different (totally sane) reasons, such as Apple Notes, Drafts, Notion, and Obsidian. Recently, I’ve started using Apple Notes for something a little more personal.
During a confrontation, it can be difficult to remember everything said or formulate a response. Tracking everything said and remembering your own points can be difficult in the moment. Interrupting the other person to get out your point so you don’t forget is more gas on the fire.
So, how can you have a productive argument? How do you remember everything you want to bring up without interruption? How can you give both you and your partner the space to work things out, and ensure everyone feels listened to?
In comes Apple Notes! Recently, while discussing our upcoming wedding, my partner and I hit a snag when it came to the guest list 🙀. This led to a broader discussion on family and friends on which we initially differed. The more the discussion broadened, the more difficult it got to keep track of all the points I wanted to bring up. That’s when I took out my phone, opened up a new note in Apple Notes, and started typing out my thoughts.
After my partner had talked through how she felt, I had 5 bullet points on things I wanted to bring up. When it was my turn to respond, I felt better for having a reference. It allowed me the space to have her respond to each concern of mine in turn. After she explained her perspective, I no longer cared about one of my main concerns, so I didn't bring it up. I realized my annoyance was born out of my misunderstanding.
5 + 1 Tips for Using Notes During A Confrontation
Tell the person you are talking with what you are doing. This is important, so they don't think you are ignoring them. I got this wrong the first time I tried it, don’t be me.
Be honest with yourself. The notes are only on your phone, so you can be brutal in what you put down. Doing this will help you feel listened to when you respond.
Keep it brief. Any notes you want to take should be short enough to remind you of what you want to talk about when the time is right.
Give them time to respond. You don’t need to voice all your thoughts at once. Doing this will conflate your points and reinforce any miscommunication. The space to respond can help you realize that emotion clouded your judgment.
Feel not Fact. Use these to let your partner know how you feel. Don’t use this as an opportunity to score keep or gather evidence.
DELETE IT! If you can work through an issue, then you don’t need a reminder of how wrong either one of you was. Delete it and move on.
If you found any of these tips useful or have any other ideas, I’d love to hear about them in the comments.